Big Story aka We are all just using ourselves

And I don’t even mean relation between males and females.

In order to properly explain the situation I need to get back several years in time, when I was still fresh MGTOW/The Red Pill guy.

Here’s the thing. As I’ve wrote in one of my older posts, in the past years I was living with a couple and their kid. They were married. A vomit-inducing-300% example of purest White Knight in the Most Shinning Armor I saw in my entire life mixed with a dominating, overweight lazy wife. And a few year old kid that is irrelevant for this tale.

I knew the guy for almost 16 years, from which 10 were through the internet- we exchanged hundreds of emails and back in the days we shared opinions on a discussion list over the internet. Back then there wasn’t Facebook or Twitter, just e-mail and IRC chat. Good old days.

I treated him as a friend. First it started as a relation more like master-student because he introduced me to some concepts of Buddhism and I was on a way of discovering myself back then- that sort of thing. When we finally meet I started to live with him and his wife for the first time, as I moved to the same country as them. It is funny because I was encouraged by him, and that was a main reason that I decided to move. First, the concept of him knowing ‘more’ or being a ‘guru’ dissolved. It happened gradually, and I was happy (also expecting this) as I knew that the form of our previous relation somehow forced the way it was shaped. And that he is just like me or you.

But of course, I still treated him as a dear friend. In the meantime I slowly began to sense that the odd concepts of male-female relations in present world are not as they ought to be. And that the whole ‘love’ thing does not work as I believed when I was a teenager.

Moving forward, I’ve moved out – grateful for their help, and ignoring signals that the dynamics between them was somewhat twisted. Moreover, I viewed them as the most healthy couple I ever knew! Now I know that my emotional side was blocking the logical, rationalising brain and I was simply not allowing to see the truth.

I really wanted to see my friend as the one who governs the house, dominates the relationship – and is a leader. I tried to close my eyes to endless situations when she was the one telling him what to do, and I ignored moments where she was openly criticizing him while lowering his sense of worth (even in front of everyone) because he was so ‘cool’ about it. Now I know he was just a weak pussy. Beta, mangina. Blue Pill guy. You name it.

There were several breakthroughs. One when I realised she slept with (definitely more alpha) friend of her husband. My friend knew about this. He just wanted her to be happy. (‘Either she respects you, or she loves you‘) Second breakthrough happened when he shared a little bit about her behaviour, and how she is always so proud and he can’t influence her- even to do the daily chores. Finally, when she openly admitted that she is above him in every way.

I moved to their place after breaking up with my ex partner (which, btw was a final brick needed for going MGTOW during my early red pill days) once more for a shorter period after that, and it was a feeling like I was going down and down in a elevator without ‘ground floor’ level. It turned out that she lie to him constantly, but he is not that much of a honest guy either– he also lied to me on several occasions. Sounds like perfect relationship, huh? Or so-called “quality couple“. 😉  I was still seeing him as my friend, though we never had much in common. He was so weak (and probably still is) and under her shoe that we never even went even for one single beer during all that time. He had a social anxiety. Finally, it turned out that they aren’t helping me in tough situation after break up (when I was without a place to go, as I didn’t wanted to live with my ex under one roof so I cancelled the agreement) and then additionally just looking forward to earning some extra bucks- they were doing it solely for money. Helping me was a secondary objective. A friend would not act like he did.

Truth revealed itself when I was not able to understand his behaviour regarding one particular thing. I wasn’t because I was thinking about him as a friend. And he was acting like acquittance. My mistake was seeing him as my brother, while he was seeing me as the latter. That’s not how friends act.

And I don’t want to believe he was that kind of an asshole hiding his real nature for so long- if he was, then fuck him. I rather got this feeling that she was behind all this. Deciding that yes, I can move in and when I will need to move out. Sadly, he can’t say anything against it because he was too weak. He didn’t know how. And he didn’t even wanted to move outside of his boxed mind, closed tightly years ago.


Yes, he lost a friend. And it is true that females always easily can make two males argue and fight between themselves. After all, she would win anyway – she didn’t liked me. I knew too much. And I was no longer hiding my own opinion. She knew I know. I told her that to me it was miserable she was dressing better when that friend she slept with was visiting them- better than for her husband. I told her it was pitiful to have screensavers filled with pics of her and that guy in front of her husband. And so on. She knew that I had the knowledge of her lies and I was a danger to her relation with hubby. Even if he would hear about it all from me, he would try to explain her, save her and all …it would not changed anything. But, she wasn’t sure about it. Why ruin her perfect world with working his ass husband buying her gifts, expensive books, phones, and tampons – because well – she is ‘taking care of the kid and home’ which in practice meant sitting in front of a TV?

So she would win anyway- because personally I had two options- either continue relation with them without saying anything, which would make no sense once I heard it wasn’t about being friends and helping me but just about money. I started to feel that they don’t reciprocate much and if I don’t go and put some energy in that relation I would not get anything back. Or I could cut the ropes- which was easier for her, of course. But also I did not saw any use with being ‘friends’ with a guy who was such a monstrous mangina that he killed our relation because he didn’t wanted to say ‘no’ when his wife was asking for more money. In both cases- if it was solely her, or it was him thinking about money too – fuck them both. It was a good lesson, and it made me stronger. Now I trust only myself.

Support MGTOW. Support yourself, support your brothers. As we all know- sense of community is important and union means strenght. 

As for me, the whole concept is way too important and fascinating for me to completely stop scanning my environment for possible fellow MGTOWers. I might not share as much as back then, but definitely I’ll have my eyes open.

Peace to all of you, brothers in arms!


4 thoughts on “Big Story aka We are all just using ourselves

  1. Came here via one of your comments at RM. Plenty of solid stuff here. We share many of the same beliefs, and you don’t sound anywhere near as bitter as I sometimes did in my early 30’s. I thought about getting a vasectomy back in the day but never did, and I had a couple of scares that may have just been shit tests (girls who pull “I’m late” are just …..) and if I was doing it all now, I’d get the snip right away. Good to hear that someone else just doesn’t want to have children. We have one difference of opinion: from what I see, a lot of women don’t need men at all as long as they have enough income, and those that seem to need men need them like a shepherd needs a sheepdog. Anyway, that’s fine print. Happy and interesting travels for the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, I aprreciate your input. Re women needing men- that’s true, they really ‘need’ us so they can get someone to serve them. As I always say- you can’t cheat the nature. 😉

    I’ve been through quite a bit in my life, maybe that makes the difference (but we all went through a lot of everything I guess). I think I am slowly moving past the stage of initial bitterness, especially when I see how women want my companionship when they see that I don’t care. It’s really funny and it changes the dynamics. Now the older we get the better for us, seems like end game belongs to men – which is perfect for me.

    Vasectomy is of course the only thing that I can do to secure my future in a way – and the longer I look at how ‘couples life’ or ‘marriage with kids’ (if you can argue if NAWALT is true or not- then re kids and marriage – no exceptions. It’s always the same. And women know that.) works the more I am convinced that it is the right choice.

    All the best to you too, brother.


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