Our beliefs control behavior.
Do you remember Kristi? The girl who is currently dating Mr Needy?
She is the current best proof to me that love doesn’t exist. It’s just a story we like to tell ourselves: “I have fallen in love with her!” -which in fact means “I just need to be with someone because I feel needed, and I want to hug somebody and also I have mummy issues, I am insecure and I just can’t live on my own, I feel so lonely! I need to hear that I matter something”.
Why? Well, if you look closely enough from where people came before they meet each other (just before they decide to “fall in love”) you can see a clear pattern.
It isn’t “our destiny”, we aren’t meeting “our second half” (for the 5th time, yeah that makes sense! How many times you need to make the same mistake in order to realize that it doesn’t work this way? Well, some people jump from one LTR to the other, from one failed marriage to the other… some people never learn! Some of them are just not intelligent enough while others indeed suspect that something is wrong but they just don’t want to find out the truth. And I pity them. You cannot blame stupid people for being stupid, all-right? It happens. But if someone deliberately chooses to be ignorant rather than face the truth with all its consequences, I call him a coward and not a man.) nor we were matched to each other by some strange force in heavens.
It is our free will and our free choices. Topped up with several biochemical reactions. And that’s it.
Love doesn’t exist.
Nobody forces us to fall in love. We have full control – we know how it works. For your brain it doesn’t really matter whether you decide to spend too much time with the wrong person. Part of it that is responsible for making “love chemicals” doesn’t work in that way. It just starts making them if you’re in a close proximity of another female to whom you feel sexual attraction. Spend too much time around her with some good interaction and voila! You are at the mercy of your own personal quantum computer that you carry on between your ears. And you just allowed a huge chunk of it to run on autopilot using a GPS based on another human being. How wise! Now, the part of the brain that should decide whether a female is worthy of your investment or not is not the same as the one which is making the feel-good love molecules.
My work colleague Kristi just came out from another unhealthy relationship with a 40yo over-jealous mangina, pretending to be someone else. He wasn’t only a mangina, he was also an asshole gossiping badly about others all the time, addicted to marijuana and alcohol.
He smoked every day for the last 11 years and told her that Mary Jane is his only pleasure in life because everything else was crap- if that’s not an addiction, I don’t know what it is! Also by the way, what a “great” way of living your life- instead of developing yourself and living healthy, you just become weak and miserable and surround yourself with bad people. Like attracts like. It’s the universal principle. If you’re truly good and healthy, you attract goodness and health. If you’re strong and confident, you attract strong and confident people. But if you’re an unhealthy asshole with unstable mental health, you only attract illness and misery. It’s your own choice. And it takes plenty of time and an open mind to master how to live your life well. But it works. You’re the captain of your own ship. You can sail wherever you want. Now, just to be clear on that: I don’t believe that anyone comes to this world as an asshole, or being addicted to something. People just make poor choices. And they repeat them over and over again.
This means that she was investing her time in a relationship that was a failed one from the very beginning. Now, she doesn’t want to be in a proper long term relationship. She wants something easy, where someone will be taking care of her. This is where Mr Needy arrives. He doesn’t have a clue. He acts like a weak bowl of jello. She isn’t reciprocating his 300% interest level. But that doesn’t bother him because he doesn’t have a clue, you know… do you see my point already? It’s like law of attraction, or karma (which doesn’t mean some sort of divine judgment, just a simple “doing” – what you have done in the past shapes your current day which in turn shapes your future events).
She chooses who she wants to be with. Mr Needy also does that- from his extremely limited pool of females (usually dropping his advances because he is too insecure and weak, he just don’t know how to do it properly, how to ask a woman’s out etc.)- he promptly decides to “fall in love” with Kristi. Not because he knows who she is. Not because she is drop-dead gorgeous or she’s a perfectlu healthy match. Not because they are destined to be together. But because he thinks that he doesn’t have any other option. He believes in his own world-view. I mean, what else should he believe in, right? He does nothing to improve himself or his knowledge about women. He is too afraid of going MGTOW and he probably don’t know what it means.
So, they will be repeating unhealthy patterns from each other’s past and never learning anything really new or useful that would allow them to break the vicious circle.
Again, it’s our free choice. He could have chosen to change himself. To develop. To spend some time and actually face his own fears of being alone and of being a dude addicted to female validation. That would made him much stronger as a man. Solutions are very simple and sane. Why people deliberately choose to ignore good solutions and instead prepare the hell for themselves? She could do the same- wait several months after her recent break up and allow her wounds to heal after that previous stupid relationship. That would be reasonable, instead of just jumping into another random LTR. And calling it love just like that.
No, ladies and gentlemen. Love doesn’t exist. Not in the way we want to believe that it does.
And women? They often lack the intelligence and deeper understanding of emotional complexity to properly know this for sure. They don’t even consciously realize their own biological imperatives. We, as a human race, are very limited. Very stubborn,naive animals who got a little bit of leverage over our ancestors. We began doing things like splitting up the atom, going to the Moon and taking over the planet but inside we are still childishly stupid and ignorant. As a race, we are pretty much doomed.
On a lighter note you should also remember that you can influence who you are and who you become. The only thing anyone can do, is to change himself. Our beliefs control behavior.
What really exist is our free will, our own choices (even if biased or based on our fears) and our own consequences. Karma.