Love =/= Control?

Ultimately, we are all alone. And that’s fine.

And love is a scam. I am not talking about the universal cosmic love. That is something of far wider perspective. But our earthly, human love? It’s a scam. Biological imperative crafted by nature to maintain the continuity of human species.

We are being told that in order to love truly you need to love freely. To give freedom to the person that we love. But yet, at some another level, love also means control. And control means to worry. And you worry to lose someone you love because you care about them. And you can lose a person in many different ways. The feeling that a father has when his daughter slips into drug addiction? That hopeless realization that nothing can be done in order to save her? Yet, he tries to do it nevertheless. And only when he realizes there’s truly nothing he can do to help her, he quits. And gives up. It’s a tremendous sadness mixed with sorrow and grief. This is how I feel now. One of the people that were close to me, deliberately and stubbornly chooses the wrong path for herself. And just like in those books we’ve been told to never read, a small part of myself dies within. This is because a part of myself, of my heart, was living inside of her. And nothing can be done. After so many years of hard work and hope that one can recognize and change the bad habits. You can only save yourself. Other people don’t give a fuck about you or your hope to help them. They don’t want to be saved.

“I am happy only when I am unhappy”

Apparently a parent can never give up and leave his own child. Maybe some of them can. Maybe they do it only on the surface but deep down nothing is being resolved, and there’s no peace at heart. Ever. Maybe sometimes life throws us towards similar experiences, so that we can gain knowledge and recognize patterns.

But after every rainfall, there’s another breakthrough of clear weather. So, on one side I am asking myself “what the hell I am still doing here?” but on the other I know that soon everything will change for the better. For myself. Only for myself.



3 thoughts on “Love =/= Control?

  1. Short, but powerful. I slowly lost the respect of my wife over time because I was not respected in the church or at work. In turn, she lost my respect by becoming emotionally distant, then hostile. I finally divorced her to free myself from the emotional, mental and financial abuse. However, the gynocentric State enabled her to continue the abuse to the tune of $4000/mo combined child support and alimony.

    My daughter was only 10 at the time and wondered why I got to flee, but she had to stay with her crazy mother. The State! My parents implored me to DO SOMETHING! Like what? Murder? I made the most of the 2 weekends a month and an occasional vacation I was permitted to spend with my own daughter under Law. Went whitewater rafting in the Grand Canyon, went to Boston and visited all the historic sites, Cape Cod and even New Hampshire. Attended SuperCamp with her to equip her with advanced study skills. Took her on a tour to France and Spain with her HS classmates.

    As soon as she turned 18, she moved in with me – relieved to escape her demanding mother. I helped her financially until she was 21.5 and had 2 jobs. As soon as the money stopped flowing, she stopping speaking to me. She was now back on good terms with her mother and had no use for me. No love or caring either. I asked her why, but she refused to answer. 4 years later I received a call at 2am. She did not apologize or ask how I was doing. She instead (falsely) accused me of molesting her 10 years earlier. I explained how wonderful her life had been compared to most other kids on earth, but she insisted that all her problems with men were my fault and she hated me. Nice, eh?

    So what choice do I have, but to move on. Females love to blame the men in their lives for all their problems. And I suppose men do the same. It’s a shame. As for love, it’s real. But it can die or be killed – especially by betrayal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sad to hear your story. We all learn from our mistakes. Hope you’ll find peace with yourself, soon. That’s the only thing that matters really. Oh and btw, she will understand her mistake. Sometime in the future.


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